well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just had sex on a roof
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
