I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
