Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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