Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
