a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I checked into jail on foursquare
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
