That's when you crack a 10am beer
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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