cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
