she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize