I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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