Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
