Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
