Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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