dude i'm inner monologue high
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
