Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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