he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
