I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
