on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
