every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
