Soap is not a condiment
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
