You work out of a Hotel?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
