Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
