bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
