I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
