i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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