I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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