Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
