I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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