I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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