She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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