I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
