Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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