What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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