My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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