just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
