Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
