A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
