There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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