I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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