Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
