Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
