the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
