Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
