He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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