dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i think i scared a bird with my dick
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
