Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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