Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
