wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
