and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
