ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
