His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
