I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
